Forever in our hearts...

SOME PEOPLE

Some people come into our lives

and leave footprints on our hearts

and we are never, ever the same.

Some people come into our lives

and quickly go...Some stay for awhile

and embrace our silent dreams.

They help us become aware

of the delicate winds of hope...

and we discover within every human spirit

there are wings yearning to fly.

They help our hearts see that

the only stairway to the stars

is woven with dreams...

and we find ourselves

unafraid to reach high.

They celebrate the true essence

of who we are...

and have faith in all

that we may become.

Some people awaken us

to new and deeper realizations...

for we gain insight

from the passing whisper of their wisdom.

Throughout our lives we are sent

precious souls...

meant to share our journey

however brief or lasting their stay

they remind us why we are here.

To learn...to teach...to nurture...to love

Some people come into our lives

to cast a steady light

upon our path and guide our every step

their shining belief in us

helps us to believe in ourselves.

Some people come into our

lives to teach us about love...

the love that rests within ourselves.

Some people come into our lives

and they move our souls to sing

and make our spirits dance.

They help us to see that everything on earth

is part of the incredibility of life...

and that it is always there

for us to take of its joy.

Some people come into our lives

and leave footprints on our hearts

and we are never, ever the same.

Without a doubt, this has been one of the worst weeks of my life. It still feels like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. While I was sitting by my sister's bedside, it seemed so surreal to have her lying there unresponsive--I wanted to reach over and shake her so she would wake up and talk to me! I wished she could open her eyes so she could see me there with her and hear me tell her how much I loved her. I can only pray that her spirit was in the room with me so that she knew the things I wasn't able to tell her before she passed on. My heart and mind are filled with so many regrets of things I didn't do for her or say to her. I wish I could go back in time, even just a week or two, and make sure the last time I saw her that I hugged her good-bye and told her I loved her.

Although this week has been horrible for everyone in my family, it has drawn us closer together and made our love stronger for each other. We spent many, many hours together in the ICU waiting room, laughing and crying over happy memories that we have shared as a family. We were able to look at photo albums and remember happier times. It's hard to imagine what our future family reunions, camping and fishing trips, holidays, and other family events will be like without Joleen there. She was a special member of our family and things will never be the same.

For those of you that I haven't talked to and explained how everything took place, I'll give you a summary of what took place...

Tuesday morning, the neurologist told us that things were not looking good. He said that Joleen wasn't showing any signs of trying to wake up. Her brain wasn't controlling even the "simplest" of functions such as her heart rate and blood pressure. Even with the medications they were giving her, those functions were fluctuating up and down at dangerous levels. He also explained to us that the swelling in her brain was something she wouldn't be able to recover from. I've heard stories from other people where they were able to reduce the swelling in the brain by drilling a hole into the skull to relieve fluid and pressure and I had wondered why they weren' t doing that to Joleen to see if it would help. Dr. Klein explained that they do that in people who have brain INJURIES (from concussions and other forms of blunt head trauma), but Joleen's brain was actually swelling because it was screaming for oxygen and since it wasn't getting it, the result is the death of a cell. Joleen wasn't completely brain dead, but there was very little activity and the cells that had already died wouldn't come back. Joleen's three kids wanted to wait 1 more day and talk with another doctor before they made their final decision. I know that we all knew what the end result would be, but I think the kids needed just a little more time to cope with everything that had happened.

Wednesday afternoon, we each had our chance to go in and tell her our final good-bye. It was the most difficult thing I've ever been through. I don't even know how to express the thoughts and feelings that were going through my mind. When it came time to remove the respirator, all of us gathered around her bed. My dad offered one of the most powerful prayers I've ever heard. It was such a sad moment, but the room was so full of peace and love. I know Joleen was in the room to witness how many people love her and will miss her. I hope that none of you ever have to watch as death takes over a loved one. It was horrible. We prayed that she would go quickly so that she wouldn't suffer and we wouldn't have to watch her struggle for each breath for too long. Thankfully, it only took about 5 minutes for her to pass away. I know that she is at peace now and in a much better place, but it still doesn't make it any easier, especially for her children.

Joleen's funeral will be Tuesday, February 3 at 11:00 at the Paragonah chapel. I hope you know how much I appreciate the phone calls, e-mails, flowers, and visits during this tough time. I know that I have been blessed with some of the best friends in the world - I appreciate your love and friendship and everything you have done to help me get through this. I hope you never have to go through anything like this, but if you do, I promise to be there for you too! I love you all!!!